Писать по-русски я больше не могу, большая часть информации попадает в мой мозг на английском, поэтому, видимо, на нем и думается, и пишется.
В последнее время у меня появилось желание писать. Я не предлагаю вам читать. Just saying.

Beneath all the laughter and wailing, it was really only Tony's ringing silence that she heard (c)


There always comes this time; the time when you wish you could turn back the damn thing. But it wouldn't go back.
When you remember certain pieces, looks, smiles, words and it just doesn't make sense there won't be anything anymore. Never.

And you come to the place where you used to hang out together; look at the place where he was standing and what he looked like at the moment... The way he smelled and the way he talked. The words, that you wish you were paying more attention to. The words, that you wish you hadn't said at all.

The pain is piercing through you, making you think most crazy things. If she hears you thinking now, if he's looking down upon you, if he knows how much you miss him. How much you regret every little thing you've ever said to him that wasn't nice. How much you regret not being able to hug him just for one last time, to say you love him and you always have. And you always will be.

The times when you forget he's not there anymore are the hardest; not the moments themselves but the one second after, when you realize you were fooling yourself thinking he's just not there, but he will be later. He won't. You will never ever see him again. Unless there's some sort of afterlife, heaven and hell and that kind of stuff. But you will never really know. Until the moment you're gone and someone else is thinking the same thoughts.

Do they know how much we miss them? Do they want us to cry about them every single time or they're hurting we're suffering so bad and they want us to stop? To continuу with our life and make amends and not make mistakes - the ones we made with them? To tell the ones that are still here how much we love them, to let them know while it's still possible?

Or just to shut everything off. To not feel a single thing, never love anybody ever again. To escape the pain, forget about it and pretend it's not there. Smile to the people around you like you're glad to see them but be cold and dead inside.

There is no solution; there are no answers. Just the ringing silence of the ones we wish to hear one last time more than anything else in the world.

@темы: отвлеченное